Onioka Skincrawler's Magic Evil Fortress Tours

It's Not Our Fault

But really, it wasn't us.

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There is a talking bear. It attacks us after verbally pondering the tragic philosophies of the world. A sexy mysterious tiefling finishes pooping in the bushes and joins the fray. After defeating the talking bear, Guutzman beheads the carcass, magically spilling gold coins. So we split them, getting 250 gp each. We also loot the deer bodies, taking their heads as trophies. Guutzman affixes the heads to his shoulders.

We make our way to the town of Lum, which takes us about 45 minutes. The city is panicked due to the colossus just smashing through the edge of town. We make a beeline to Luke’s.

“Adventurers! We don’t want any trouble in here!” states Luke the bartender. Guutzman transforms the dear heads on his shoulders into silvered weapons and attempts to intimidate Luke into letting us drink with our weapons in peace. Shaken but not stirred, Luke allows us to sit and order a round of drinks. Idunno orders a round of drinks for the bar – and distributes a drink to Gob, the half-orc assistant to Onioka. He triggers a conversation that sends Luke into a panic: “Wait, YOU caused this? You caused all of this?” He activates a silent alarm and summons the guards. The guards, having cold feet after seeing the intimidating adventurers, hear out Hraxos’ account of the day’s events and how it was DEFINITELY not their fault. The guards deliberate on the city’s laws and decide to send the questionable travelers into Onioka’s home. The house is no doubt littered with magical defenses, but it may be the only way to find a solution to the colossus problem.

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